No expectations please. There is no orchestra in the background striking up the tune - Baharon phool barsao mera mehboob aaya hai. This is not a disclaimer, it is a claimer claiming that the following jodis are fun and fundoo and wicked sometimes. There are 6 listed in reverse order that have already been seen on the screen. There are 4 more (totalling 10 duh !) from my ultapulta wishlist. Here goes:
6. Aishwarya -Zayed:
Her movies were flopping left right and centre and he was the fresh face on the block. Debutante Leena Yadav brought them together as the adulterous (almost) couple while a brooding Sanjay Dutt looked on - wanting grist for his writing mill. The movie had some lovely songs - Khoya Khoya sa teri nighahon mein, with both of them prancing carefree. A giggly Aish managed to look quite good with a puppydog like Zayed. Movie recommended strictly for the goodlooking people peopling it.
5. Meghna Reddy - Anil Kapoor:
Chocolate was probably based on some hollywood potboiler I havent heard of. A journalist (Meghna) and a hotshot lawyer (Anil Kapoor) are thrown together into solving a case which entails long conversations with Irfaan Khan and Tanushree Dutta. At one point Meghna is so miffed at Anil Kapoor's obvious attraction towards the sexy Tanu, that she is compelled to draw Anil's attention to the fact that she is a 'bra-wearing' girl too. Apart from that one aberration, Meghna plays a tomboyish devil-may-care girl which is a change from the usual correct sugarwontmeltinmymouth kind of roles the heroines play. She is the opposite of the correct and formal Anil Kapoor.
4. Dimple-Akshay Khanna:
He was a young artist and she was a troubled single woman trying to deal with her life without her daughter. She looks at him as a good friend, but he adores her. Their friendship never gets passionate but it causes a rift between Akshay and friends. His dil chahta hai, but the lady wont consent, preferring to die - a la Love Story - probably of a wasted liver. Dimple is beautiful, gorgeous. Akshay's adoration makes them look great together.
3. Vidya-Saif:
She was an unproven newcomer from the middle-class with girl next door looks, and he was a well acknowledged talent and a nawab to boot. Parineeta was the tale of a woman's unstinting devotion to her neighbour, a rich, arrogant, quick-tempered Shekhar. Vidya is all grace and smoothness to the rough edged (as played in the movie) Saif. A perfect mismatch.
2. Rekha-Akshay:
If Madam Re is still missing HIM, she didnt let it make her morose and reclusive. She went her merry way picking up 'good friends' and toyboys. Akshay Kumar was one of those. Khiladion Ka Khildi had Akshay in an encounter with Maya (what an apt name for Re). Re plays the vamp to the hilt. I am sure the heroine, Raveena Tandon, felt quite useless and threatened. Way to go Re, live it up.
1. Mallika Shehrawat-Rahul Bose:
She is taller than him, gorgeous and sexy and famed more for kisses than activity above the nose region. He is a cerebral actor famed for his serious roles. They came together in a sexy comedy Pyaar Ke Side Effects. The story (esp the ending) needed some more work - playing runaway bride twice over ??? But the movie had some good gags and able support from the likes of Ranveer Shorey. Surprise, they do manage to look good together! It couldnt have gotten as diverse as this !
Now comes my totally thinking out of the box section. You may pelt stones at me for these- I will enjoy them.
4. Emraan Hashmi - Karisma Kapur
Blows your mind off ? Same here. An insolent nepotic actor on the lowest rung of the food-chain, not famed for either looks or great talent. An actress with pedigree and looks and moderate talents. The khatiya days are firmly behind her, so are her pink cottancandy dresses and curly hair. She is a hot mother, slim and suitably surgeried into gorgeousness. A rani and a rank (pauper).
3. Amir - Sushmita:
He is diminutive and choclatey, She is tall and statuesque. He is cute, she is regal. The lady and the tramp?
2. Sanjay Dutt -Smriti Irani Tulsi:
Sanjay Dutt pairs easily with anyone. He did Khoobsurat with Urmila, Munnabhai with Vidya Balan, quite a few movies with no heroines just some male bonding, Kaante, Plan, Anthony Kaun Hai. In one of his movies with Govinda he was paired with the infamous Monica Bedi. So it would be hard to find a heroine who would look really way out with him. Now this, I think is a real way out choice. She is the correct bahu mouthing platitudes at every turn. Her moves are always dramatic, dress strictly over the top behenji. He is cool and can manage bhaigiri with gandhigiri effortlessly without making the combo look ludicrous.
1. Aishwarya Rai - Pankaj Kapur
Clash of cymbals please. They have everything facing in different directions. She is young, he is not. She is beautiful, he is not. She is tall, he is not. He is a powerhouse of talents that makes his physical shortcomings fade away. All her beauty cant win her accolades in the acting department.
Shut up Kitty !
Sunday, September 21, 2008
5 handsome heros of bollywood
A few years ago at my brother's wedding reception a guest told me that the groom was very handsome. To my remark that my bhabhi was beautiful too, he said, pretty girls are a dime a dozen whereas handsome guys are not common. Which is true, if you ponder on it a bit.
Shyam was the first film hero that I remember being renowned for his looks. He had the army officer kind of tall, aqulined features look- but his looks were too broad, plus that huge mustache made him look middleaged even before he was fatally thrown off the horse. Poor Dilip Kumar had a 'personality' and talent in oodles but no looks to speak of. Raj Kapoor looked a wee bit effeminate first and too 'uncley' (thanks to heavy dinners and drinks) later. Shammi Kapoor looked strange (a joy to the senses with his emoting and energy but not the HANDSOME kinds) The early Rajesh Khanna had clean looks, Sanjay Khan looked pleasent, Feroze Khan was dashing, dont ask about Manoj Kumar or Rajendra Kumar. Sunil Dutt was tall and handsome in a way, as was Joy Mukherjee. Deb Mukherjee was ok looking, Biswajeet (sorry Ipshonlu) was hawhum. Jeetendra.... naah. Ok I had better start the list.
1. Top of the Pops - Dev Anand.
Think of Raju Guide. That was Dev Anand at the peek of his looks. A drunken Raju sings 'Din dhal jaye hai, raat na jaye' with the camera capturing his angst in profile. Whatta profile. He would look at the heroine (the camera) in the eyes and smile slightly. Now that was handsomeness. I know you have to discount the mannerisms and the caricature like looks post 70s. But hark back and our desi homegrown Gregory Peck was the best looker of them all. He was tall, slim and handsome.
Just the face to put on the chocolate box. Watch him in Tere ghar ke Samne, Love Marriage, Kala Pani (with Madhubala), Guide, Tere Mere Sapne, Johnny Mera Naam to mention a few.
Looked best with - Madhubala.
2. Top of the Polls - Dharmendra
Everyone is going say 'aye' to this one. Clean cut features, a perfect body, good voice (unlike Dara Singh's famed Punjabi accent). This one is He-Man personified. It is told that at a film party thrown for newcomers, all eyes were on Sanjay Khan (and one other filmy progeny- i forget the name). Neglected for the lack of godfathers, Dharmendra and Manoj Kumar stood by quietly. Moviegoers dont go for filmy pedigree, as we know well now, and the latter two were huge stars whereas the likes of Sanjay Khan never reached such heights.
Famed for his looks and his casanova tendencies and a hot temper, Dharmendra has provided plenty of grist to the gossip mills as well. He was famed for not being able to say 'no' to a girl. (Alas, where was I then? In pigtails going to school curses !
Watch him in Anupama, Dhool Ka Phool, Satyakam, Devar .. ok.. all the movies -- though for the peak looks watch Jugnu.
Looked best with - Hema Malini
3. Sanjay Dutt - sabka baba with a rotten kismet
Rocky was gawky. But post Naam, in which he looked lovely with his droopy doglike eyes and sensitive face framed by softly falling hair, he was a rage. He worked out, built his body and started the cult of body worshipping. He has had enough ups and down in his life to put the biggest roller coaster to shame. He is still going through bad times. But no denying he is a very handsome guy. I was never a big fan until I saw Mission Kashmir. There were two scenes which instantly endeared him to me. In one scene he is handed a paper to read, not having his reading glasses handy, he askes his junior officer to read the letter for him. That was SO natural. Then the final scene, he took his shirt off to fight the current raging heartthrob Hritik knee deep in water. That did it for me. I have been a die hard Sanjubaba fan ever since.
He doesnt try to look young or chikna but there is a look of vulnerabilty on his face that is so endearing and takes years off him. (Am I raving too much)
Watch him in Naam, Vastav, Munnabhai's, Parineeta, Anthony Kaun Hai, Kaante, Mission Kashmir.. etc
Looks best with - Me (kidding- dont remember his heroines)
4. John Abraham - the ABS guru
There are plenty of actresses who are accused of being low on talent and high on looks, eyecandy they call 'em. Here is the male eye candy. His hair -ooo, his dimples - aah, his abs -- wow. His acting skills are practically non-existent, but he makes up for it by not getting on your nerves (except for that appearence in the KANK song). I know I watched Kabul Express for him, Dhoom for him, Garam Masala for him, and I will watch No Smoking for him too !
Watch him in Jism, Saaya, Dhoom, Kabul Express ..
Looks best with - Bips
5. Dhartipakad Dara Singh
Had his accent been better, had his acting skills been better, he would have given Dharmendra a Very Hard Time. A perfect wrestlers body and good looks. He looked great in miniskirts and sandals (some kind of a historical warrior uniform for hindi films then, a hangover from the Greeks). He rode horses and weilded a sword. He fought dispotic uncles in some mythical kingdoms stuck in 325 BC. Also tried his hand at cavorting with heroines (usually Mumtaz) in half sarees or some kind of a greeky costume. Some of these movies have surprisingly sweet songs.
Actually, he is one actor who is still handsome despite his advanced years. And he hasnt lost his punjabi accent yet either. Still speaks with a decided punjabi lilt... so cute. Pity his son was such a dud.
Watch him in - I remember Dillagi where he was dada to the deol brothers. I guess several movies like Sikandar Porus.
Looked Best with Mumtaz
ps; If you dont like my list, dont kill me, post your own.
Shyam was the first film hero that I remember being renowned for his looks. He had the army officer kind of tall, aqulined features look- but his looks were too broad, plus that huge mustache made him look middleaged even before he was fatally thrown off the horse. Poor Dilip Kumar had a 'personality' and talent in oodles but no looks to speak of. Raj Kapoor looked a wee bit effeminate first and too 'uncley' (thanks to heavy dinners and drinks) later. Shammi Kapoor looked strange (a joy to the senses with his emoting and energy but not the HANDSOME kinds) The early Rajesh Khanna had clean looks, Sanjay Khan looked pleasent, Feroze Khan was dashing, dont ask about Manoj Kumar or Rajendra Kumar. Sunil Dutt was tall and handsome in a way, as was Joy Mukherjee. Deb Mukherjee was ok looking, Biswajeet (sorry Ipshonlu) was hawhum. Jeetendra.... naah. Ok I had better start the list.
1. Top of the Pops - Dev Anand.
Think of Raju Guide. That was Dev Anand at the peek of his looks. A drunken Raju sings 'Din dhal jaye hai, raat na jaye' with the camera capturing his angst in profile. Whatta profile. He would look at the heroine (the camera) in the eyes and smile slightly. Now that was handsomeness. I know you have to discount the mannerisms and the caricature like looks post 70s. But hark back and our desi homegrown Gregory Peck was the best looker of them all. He was tall, slim and handsome.
Just the face to put on the chocolate box. Watch him in Tere ghar ke Samne, Love Marriage, Kala Pani (with Madhubala), Guide, Tere Mere Sapne, Johnny Mera Naam to mention a few.
Looked best with - Madhubala.
2. Top of the Polls - Dharmendra
Everyone is going say 'aye' to this one. Clean cut features, a perfect body, good voice (unlike Dara Singh's famed Punjabi accent). This one is He-Man personified. It is told that at a film party thrown for newcomers, all eyes were on Sanjay Khan (and one other filmy progeny- i forget the name). Neglected for the lack of godfathers, Dharmendra and Manoj Kumar stood by quietly. Moviegoers dont go for filmy pedigree, as we know well now, and the latter two were huge stars whereas the likes of Sanjay Khan never reached such heights.
Famed for his looks and his casanova tendencies and a hot temper, Dharmendra has provided plenty of grist to the gossip mills as well. He was famed for not being able to say 'no' to a girl. (Alas, where was I then? In pigtails going to school curses !
Watch him in Anupama, Dhool Ka Phool, Satyakam, Devar .. ok.. all the movies -- though for the peak looks watch Jugnu.
Looked best with - Hema Malini
3. Sanjay Dutt - sabka baba with a rotten kismet
Rocky was gawky. But post Naam, in which he looked lovely with his droopy doglike eyes and sensitive face framed by softly falling hair, he was a rage. He worked out, built his body and started the cult of body worshipping. He has had enough ups and down in his life to put the biggest roller coaster to shame. He is still going through bad times. But no denying he is a very handsome guy. I was never a big fan until I saw Mission Kashmir. There were two scenes which instantly endeared him to me. In one scene he is handed a paper to read, not having his reading glasses handy, he askes his junior officer to read the letter for him. That was SO natural. Then the final scene, he took his shirt off to fight the current raging heartthrob Hritik knee deep in water. That did it for me. I have been a die hard Sanjubaba fan ever since.
He doesnt try to look young or chikna but there is a look of vulnerabilty on his face that is so endearing and takes years off him. (Am I raving too much)
Watch him in Naam, Vastav, Munnabhai's, Parineeta, Anthony Kaun Hai, Kaante, Mission Kashmir.. etc
Looks best with - Me (kidding- dont remember his heroines)
4. John Abraham - the ABS guru
There are plenty of actresses who are accused of being low on talent and high on looks, eyecandy they call 'em. Here is the male eye candy. His hair -ooo, his dimples - aah, his abs -- wow. His acting skills are practically non-existent, but he makes up for it by not getting on your nerves (except for that appearence in the KANK song). I know I watched Kabul Express for him, Dhoom for him, Garam Masala for him, and I will watch No Smoking for him too !
Watch him in Jism, Saaya, Dhoom, Kabul Express ..
Looks best with - Bips
5. Dhartipakad Dara Singh
Had his accent been better, had his acting skills been better, he would have given Dharmendra a Very Hard Time. A perfect wrestlers body and good looks. He looked great in miniskirts and sandals (some kind of a historical warrior uniform for hindi films then, a hangover from the Greeks). He rode horses and weilded a sword. He fought dispotic uncles in some mythical kingdoms stuck in 325 BC. Also tried his hand at cavorting with heroines (usually Mumtaz) in half sarees or some kind of a greeky costume. Some of these movies have surprisingly sweet songs.
Actually, he is one actor who is still handsome despite his advanced years. And he hasnt lost his punjabi accent yet either. Still speaks with a decided punjabi lilt... so cute. Pity his son was such a dud.
Watch him in - I remember Dillagi where he was dada to the deol brothers. I guess several movies like Sikandar Porus.
Looked Best with Mumtaz
ps; If you dont like my list, dont kill me, post your own.
Vishal scores with Ruskin and Pankaj
Vishal Bhardwaj is not just good, he is versatile. If I wanted to go into superlatives, I could say he a genius. But lets wait and watch, and hope. He can write screenplays, compose music, direct and produce movies as well. The best thing about him is that he seems to be comfortable with any genre of films. Makdee and The Blue Umbrella are children's movie. Maqbool (thanks crazyplaywright) was serious and arty. Omkara was bombastic and commercial (in certain aspects). In each of these movies, his touch is different. Anyone going to see TBU expecting another Omkara, can expect a huge disappointment.
But if you go to see the movie for the love of Ruskin Bond, you will come away wowed. The Blue Umbrella is about Biniya who is given a beautiful blue umbrella by some Japanese tourists in exchange for a lucky charm. Nandkishore Khatri, who runs Khatri Tea Stall on the bus route covets the beautiful umbrella. He tries to buy the umbrella off Biniya (this part was a bit boring), but she wont part with it. Biniya's umbrella is stolen one day and Nandkishore Khatri stands accused. This is the only 'story' anyone will part with. The reason is, the rest of the story unfolds so beautifully and is so engrossing that I think it would be a crime to give it away.
I felt the story was almost biblical in telling, some of the seven deadly sins of Envy, Covetousness, Greed rearing their ugly head. There is also a serpent in this beautiful Eden, who eggs the thief on to commit his crime. In the end, with forgiveness comes redemption, cheer and hope. My friend who had accompanied me to the movie did not agree, she said Ruskin Bond never went into symbolism. I agree with her, but i think we tend to look for deeper meanings in things that affect us profoundly.
With Pankaj Kapur leading the cast, good acting was expected. And he fulfils it. His Nandu is caricature perfect. He even adopts a whiny accent and a himachali (?) dialect for it. Very apt for a children's movie. After all, if we are watching Tom and Jerry, we dont expect Tom to underplay his role. However, the rest of the cast does not join him in this which is the only sore point I have with this movie. Dolly Ahluwalia has a very miniscule role as the masterjee's wife who secretly covets the umbrella too. She shines in her few brief moments. She is the only one who matches steps with Pankaj Kapur. The 'Serpent', the devil's apprentice, was another one I liked a lot. A perfect profile of an opportunist. Shreya Sharma was adequate in her role.
The music is mostly background with one chattri song and one another that is used in the background.
Now my favorite part of the movie, the locales and the cinematography. It makes you catch your breath. It is supposed to be shot in Himachal Pradesh and Dalhousie. I suspect the movie was shot in Khajjiar (HP) which is supposed to be so beautiful that it makes you forget Switzerland. All the 'dark' moments of the movie when the thief is facing guilt and ostracism are shot during winters with breathtaking scenes of snowcapped mountains. The happy moments are shot in summers with verdant landscapes perfectly showcased.
Watch out for : Nandu's speech at the Dangal. It is a comic treat.
But if you go to see the movie for the love of Ruskin Bond, you will come away wowed. The Blue Umbrella is about Biniya who is given a beautiful blue umbrella by some Japanese tourists in exchange for a lucky charm. Nandkishore Khatri, who runs Khatri Tea Stall on the bus route covets the beautiful umbrella. He tries to buy the umbrella off Biniya (this part was a bit boring), but she wont part with it. Biniya's umbrella is stolen one day and Nandkishore Khatri stands accused. This is the only 'story' anyone will part with. The reason is, the rest of the story unfolds so beautifully and is so engrossing that I think it would be a crime to give it away.
I felt the story was almost biblical in telling, some of the seven deadly sins of Envy, Covetousness, Greed rearing their ugly head. There is also a serpent in this beautiful Eden, who eggs the thief on to commit his crime. In the end, with forgiveness comes redemption, cheer and hope. My friend who had accompanied me to the movie did not agree, she said Ruskin Bond never went into symbolism. I agree with her, but i think we tend to look for deeper meanings in things that affect us profoundly.
With Pankaj Kapur leading the cast, good acting was expected. And he fulfils it. His Nandu is caricature perfect. He even adopts a whiny accent and a himachali (?) dialect for it. Very apt for a children's movie. After all, if we are watching Tom and Jerry, we dont expect Tom to underplay his role. However, the rest of the cast does not join him in this which is the only sore point I have with this movie. Dolly Ahluwalia has a very miniscule role as the masterjee's wife who secretly covets the umbrella too. She shines in her few brief moments. She is the only one who matches steps with Pankaj Kapur. The 'Serpent', the devil's apprentice, was another one I liked a lot. A perfect profile of an opportunist. Shreya Sharma was adequate in her role.
The music is mostly background with one chattri song and one another that is used in the background.
Now my favorite part of the movie, the locales and the cinematography. It makes you catch your breath. It is supposed to be shot in Himachal Pradesh and Dalhousie. I suspect the movie was shot in Khajjiar (HP) which is supposed to be so beautiful that it makes you forget Switzerland. All the 'dark' moments of the movie when the thief is facing guilt and ostracism are shot during winters with breathtaking scenes of snowcapped mountains. The happy moments are shot in summers with verdant landscapes perfectly showcased.
Watch out for : Nandu's speech at the Dangal. It is a comic treat.
Alok and I
This is a collaboration revu between Alok n me. My query to him was :- What do men want from women .I have added a women's rejoinders to his 'wants' . BOLD typeface=AVA
Well this is for the first time I did struck my head on lotto without buying any ticket. For the first time a lovely lady other than my long lost girl friends and now “tiniest green chilly” (have you ever tested one?) considering she is only 5’3”; wife, asking me what do I want from her? Well not to make it sleazy actually she did ask me about what men look forward from a woman. And what better way to share it with one of the most intelligent, whacky and hilarious ladies of MS!!
Should I sing? should I dance? Or should I write a poem asking for favors? Or simply put, should I put it the way SRK does? Kkkkkkkkava? Oh that sounds like that Kashmiri drink with slight bitterness but the lady in question is all sweet and mellow, when I say mellow that doesn’t mean you can take her for granted, tip you go wrong and tap she will make you turn turtle without any help at her toe!!
So back to where I started what exactly men look forward in a woman? I wish the seven vows at the time of “saat fere” in marriages to be the same!!
Pratham evem dwitiya Vachan: Thou shall maintain the decorum and congeniality you did showcase while your first few weeks stay with me. BUT dont expect me to remain the same sweet talker I was.
Don’t maintain double standards. You may change but I may not? I have to maintain not only decorum and congeniality, but also the girl like figure that you admired? My sweet smile, my ‘girlfriendness’ that you liked? And you?
Bahu Vachan: Thou shall understand that me being a male member of society always want you to say “yes sir, yes sir” and hearing Why? What? When? Where? No!! Don’t!! Stop!! And all your irritating commands to mend my way makes me think is marriage a boon or bane?
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.. jawab mil gaya? Be thankful there is someone on this earth who cares about your Whys? Whats? Whens? And Wheres?
Chaturth laganum: Thou shall understand that getting married sure means I am on diet but that does not mean I can’t even browse through menu cards. So stop spying on my message box and don’t give me spine chilling looks when my message tone goes beep beep at 2’ O clock night!!
You forget that all dogs have to guard their territory. I may not be happy with you, but I don’t want others poaching on my property. So you are marked “Not available” and trespassers will be prosecuted.
Pancham lakhskhanum : Thou shall not be excited on a Sunday morning and be prepared with a long list of items digging a deep ho*le in my pocket. Thou shall understand all your love is mine but your bills were never. Than why after marriage I find them in my “to pay list” every month!!
Dear, nothing is free in this world. You enjoy having a beautiful wife around you, be prepared to pay the bills. If you want something for free…. I warn you she wont look good by your side.
Chhattinam Doodham: Thou shall not remind me about bringing “sabji bhaji” in the middle of me “getting up close and personal” with my executive. I thank cell phones to be technically inefficient to support a video conferencing.
Don’t you know women get vibes about what their spouses are up to? Don’t you know our sixth sense enables us to call about sabji bhaji at the RIGHT moment? We don’t need video conferencing, we have an internal cctv which tells us exactly what you are up to.
Saptam Vikatum : Thou shall not expect me to surrender every time and move sheepishly in my own home during war times. It’s hard every time to kneel down and say sorry and injure my male ego hoisting the white flag time and again “you are right I am wrong” types. Aaahh!! That remind me you were better as my girlfriend!! I was at least free to show a bit of tantrums.
Dekho Alok, seedhi si baat hai, agar galti kee hai to sharafat se maafi maang lo. I cant help it if you keep making mistakes and have to say sorry all the time. I cant help it if I am always right. I am still your girlfriend jee. Maafi maangne se insaan chota nahi ho jaata.
Ashtam Dosham: Ok ok!! I am ready to forgive and forget all that happened within the closed doors. Lest thou shall save my torn and soiled self esteem before my relatives and elders!! Making them think that my decision to marry you was “oh so right and perfect” Thou shall act to be an epitome of love and care in parties and marriages. Give all that sh*t when we are back in the car!!
Sh*t to milega.. car me aao jaraa, abhi mene kaha hi kya hai? Wait and watch, you think I don’t have list of things I want to have out with you. Yaad hai hamari shaadi ke shuru me aapne mujhe yeh kaha tha voh kaha tha.. ?? Bhool gaye tab maine aapko kitna shield kiya tha. Mataji ko kano kaan pata nahi chala tha. And youuuuu? Even after so many years you refuse to reform. Car me bolna.. abhi batati hoon .. aao zara bahar.
Andha Nainam: Thou shall not treat a drunken husband as a soiled sheet at bed time!! Thou shall understand that me being in drunken state only can fantasize you being mine “dream girl”. The morning I get back to senses and curse myself for loving you so much!!
OOOOOOO aisa? “Dream Girl” “Soiled Sheet” Jao dream girl ke paas daaru peekar. I will see how long she tolerates you. Yeh to me hoon jo itne saal se jheel rahi hoon. I am sure you will be back groveling at my feet in 2 days. That “dream girl” wont put up with you for 2 minutes. Jao Jao, don’t darken my bedroom door.
Dasham Kastam: Last but most important!! Thou shall not embarrass me before all those who think I am “an extra wise brain” sharing some stupidity of mine that could not be hidden from you as you being my lawfully wedded wife. Thou shall not question me. Thou shall make me feel everything is fine and normal next morning. And thou shall make me feel comfortable about getting high and doing some sh*t in the disc in the morbid state of mind.
STONY SILENCE (hint .. be very very very careful when wife goes into the stony silence mode.. things are NOT GOOD)
Eh eh is it asking for too much? But did I ask for a planet…..? All that I need is unshaken love, due respect and a little bit of freedom!! Can I expect them in this life? Or is it the case that one life is not enough to live your dreams my friend.
AGLE DIN KI SUBAH:
Alok is in a deep dungeon. The only lady who is willing to visit him is Smita. She brings him a half eaten stale bread pakora that she has saved from her yesterday’s snack. Alok : Mera kya hoga Chintan Manan? Smita : I have come on behalf of your wife and the GOG. You are ostracized by all of us. Ap beghar ho gaye hain. Duniya ki koi bhi biwi ya ladki aapki taraf aankh utha kar bhi nahi dekegi. I am sorry. I pity you. But the GOG is very strong. Ham kisi tarah ki be-adbi bardasht nahi kar sakte. Aap chahen to John Abraham ko bhej dijiye.. Agar wo apki biwi ko kuch samja sake to theek hai .. warna (sad face) .. sniff sniff..
Well this is for the first time I did struck my head on lotto without buying any ticket. For the first time a lovely lady other than my long lost girl friends and now “tiniest green chilly” (have you ever tested one?) considering she is only 5’3”; wife, asking me what do I want from her? Well not to make it sleazy actually she did ask me about what men look forward from a woman. And what better way to share it with one of the most intelligent, whacky and hilarious ladies of MS!!
Should I sing? should I dance? Or should I write a poem asking for favors? Or simply put, should I put it the way SRK does? Kkkkkkkkava? Oh that sounds like that Kashmiri drink with slight bitterness but the lady in question is all sweet and mellow, when I say mellow that doesn’t mean you can take her for granted, tip you go wrong and tap she will make you turn turtle without any help at her toe!!
So back to where I started what exactly men look forward in a woman? I wish the seven vows at the time of “saat fere” in marriages to be the same!!
Pratham evem dwitiya Vachan: Thou shall maintain the decorum and congeniality you did showcase while your first few weeks stay with me. BUT dont expect me to remain the same sweet talker I was.
Don’t maintain double standards. You may change but I may not? I have to maintain not only decorum and congeniality, but also the girl like figure that you admired? My sweet smile, my ‘girlfriendness’ that you liked? And you?
Bahu Vachan: Thou shall understand that me being a male member of society always want you to say “yes sir, yes sir” and hearing Why? What? When? Where? No!! Don’t!! Stop!! And all your irritating commands to mend my way makes me think is marriage a boon or bane?
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.. jawab mil gaya? Be thankful there is someone on this earth who cares about your Whys? Whats? Whens? And Wheres?
Chaturth laganum: Thou shall understand that getting married sure means I am on diet but that does not mean I can’t even browse through menu cards. So stop spying on my message box and don’t give me spine chilling looks when my message tone goes beep beep at 2’ O clock night!!
You forget that all dogs have to guard their territory. I may not be happy with you, but I don’t want others poaching on my property. So you are marked “Not available” and trespassers will be prosecuted.
Pancham lakhskhanum : Thou shall not be excited on a Sunday morning and be prepared with a long list of items digging a deep ho*le in my pocket. Thou shall understand all your love is mine but your bills were never. Than why after marriage I find them in my “to pay list” every month!!
Dear, nothing is free in this world. You enjoy having a beautiful wife around you, be prepared to pay the bills. If you want something for free…. I warn you she wont look good by your side.
Chhattinam Doodham: Thou shall not remind me about bringing “sabji bhaji” in the middle of me “getting up close and personal” with my executive. I thank cell phones to be technically inefficient to support a video conferencing.
Don’t you know women get vibes about what their spouses are up to? Don’t you know our sixth sense enables us to call about sabji bhaji at the RIGHT moment? We don’t need video conferencing, we have an internal cctv which tells us exactly what you are up to.
Saptam Vikatum : Thou shall not expect me to surrender every time and move sheepishly in my own home during war times. It’s hard every time to kneel down and say sorry and injure my male ego hoisting the white flag time and again “you are right I am wrong” types. Aaahh!! That remind me you were better as my girlfriend!! I was at least free to show a bit of tantrums.
Dekho Alok, seedhi si baat hai, agar galti kee hai to sharafat se maafi maang lo. I cant help it if you keep making mistakes and have to say sorry all the time. I cant help it if I am always right. I am still your girlfriend jee. Maafi maangne se insaan chota nahi ho jaata.
Ashtam Dosham: Ok ok!! I am ready to forgive and forget all that happened within the closed doors. Lest thou shall save my torn and soiled self esteem before my relatives and elders!! Making them think that my decision to marry you was “oh so right and perfect” Thou shall act to be an epitome of love and care in parties and marriages. Give all that sh*t when we are back in the car!!
Sh*t to milega.. car me aao jaraa, abhi mene kaha hi kya hai? Wait and watch, you think I don’t have list of things I want to have out with you. Yaad hai hamari shaadi ke shuru me aapne mujhe yeh kaha tha voh kaha tha.. ?? Bhool gaye tab maine aapko kitna shield kiya tha. Mataji ko kano kaan pata nahi chala tha. And youuuuu? Even after so many years you refuse to reform. Car me bolna.. abhi batati hoon .. aao zara bahar.
Andha Nainam: Thou shall not treat a drunken husband as a soiled sheet at bed time!! Thou shall understand that me being in drunken state only can fantasize you being mine “dream girl”. The morning I get back to senses and curse myself for loving you so much!!
OOOOOOO aisa? “Dream Girl” “Soiled Sheet” Jao dream girl ke paas daaru peekar. I will see how long she tolerates you. Yeh to me hoon jo itne saal se jheel rahi hoon. I am sure you will be back groveling at my feet in 2 days. That “dream girl” wont put up with you for 2 minutes. Jao Jao, don’t darken my bedroom door.
Dasham Kastam: Last but most important!! Thou shall not embarrass me before all those who think I am “an extra wise brain” sharing some stupidity of mine that could not be hidden from you as you being my lawfully wedded wife. Thou shall not question me. Thou shall make me feel everything is fine and normal next morning. And thou shall make me feel comfortable about getting high and doing some sh*t in the disc in the morbid state of mind.
STONY SILENCE (hint .. be very very very careful when wife goes into the stony silence mode.. things are NOT GOOD)
Eh eh is it asking for too much? But did I ask for a planet…..? All that I need is unshaken love, due respect and a little bit of freedom!! Can I expect them in this life? Or is it the case that one life is not enough to live your dreams my friend.
AGLE DIN KI SUBAH:
Alok is in a deep dungeon. The only lady who is willing to visit him is Smita. She brings him a half eaten stale bread pakora that she has saved from her yesterday’s snack. Alok : Mera kya hoga Chintan Manan? Smita : I have come on behalf of your wife and the GOG. You are ostracized by all of us. Ap beghar ho gaye hain. Duniya ki koi bhi biwi ya ladki aapki taraf aankh utha kar bhi nahi dekegi. I am sorry. I pity you. But the GOG is very strong. Ham kisi tarah ki be-adbi bardasht nahi kar sakte. Aap chahen to John Abraham ko bhej dijiye.. Agar wo apki biwi ko kuch samja sake to theek hai .. warna (sad face) .. sniff sniff..
Good Loin
The movie has been directed by Manish Acharya.
It is one of those small, unannounced film that people hesitate to see. There are several good movies that die in cinema halls for the want of promotion. The Blue Umbrella being one such deserving movie that ran to empty houses, Hazaron Khwahishen Aisi was another. It is rare for a small film to have the luck of Bheja Fry which was a hit despite being underpromoted. Loins of Punjab does not have any famous stars backing the project. Shabana Azmi, Darshan Jhaveri and Ayesha Dharker are the only big names here.
Ok, heres the story.
There is a kind of an American/Indian Idol singing talent show being run in New Jersey with the Enam of $25k. This years DESI IDOL (as the contest is known) would have run its predictable course if it was not distinguished with the ambitious presence of Mrs. Rrita Kapoor, a socialite.
Rrita (Shabana Azmi) NEEDS to win this contest to show down her fellow socialite Bubbles Sabharwal who has just made a big donation to a cause.
Then there is the immensely talented and quiet and protected Preeti Patel (Ishita Sharma). She has her entire extended family in the entourage. An ode to the in-your-face garrulous gujjus who mispronounce words like S (Ass), Snacks (Snakes) and Coke (@#$%).
Watch out for the moment when our docile little Preeti Patel talks.
Josh Cohen loves India and his Indian girlfriend, Opama Menon (Ayesha Dharkar). He is here to beat reverse racism, being a gora in a desi contest, and see how far he can go with his limited repertoire of songs.
Seema Rehmani was last seen in the sinful Sins, and she is gorgeous, and talented. She plays Sania Rehman who can parrot sounds, but does not really understand Hindi.
A special mention for Turbanotorious B.D.G. played by Ajay Naidu. He is in the contest as the Baangra expert (Bhangra).
There are several other noteworthy contestents and judges and the MC Mr. Bokade (Jameel Khan), name pronounced to rhyme with Bacardi.
These bunch of talented actors team up to create a hilarious tale of Kaun Banega Desi Idol. Not all the contestents wish to play fair, and there are machinations underway to send away the talented singers so that Rrita may win unhindered.
There are unlikely partnerships between contestents, losers muscle their way back to the stage.. AND THE WINNER IS ... LOVE.
Believe me.. Love wins. Dont believe me? Go check out the movie.
It is one of those small, unannounced film that people hesitate to see. There are several good movies that die in cinema halls for the want of promotion. The Blue Umbrella being one such deserving movie that ran to empty houses, Hazaron Khwahishen Aisi was another. It is rare for a small film to have the luck of Bheja Fry which was a hit despite being underpromoted. Loins of Punjab does not have any famous stars backing the project. Shabana Azmi, Darshan Jhaveri and Ayesha Dharker are the only big names here.
Ok, heres the story.
There is a kind of an American/Indian Idol singing talent show being run in New Jersey with the Enam of $25k. This years DESI IDOL (as the contest is known) would have run its predictable course if it was not distinguished with the ambitious presence of Mrs. Rrita Kapoor, a socialite.
Rrita (Shabana Azmi) NEEDS to win this contest to show down her fellow socialite Bubbles Sabharwal who has just made a big donation to a cause.
Then there is the immensely talented and quiet and protected Preeti Patel (Ishita Sharma). She has her entire extended family in the entourage. An ode to the in-your-face garrulous gujjus who mispronounce words like S (Ass), Snacks (Snakes) and Coke (@#$%).
Watch out for the moment when our docile little Preeti Patel talks.
Josh Cohen loves India and his Indian girlfriend, Opama Menon (Ayesha Dharkar). He is here to beat reverse racism, being a gora in a desi contest, and see how far he can go with his limited repertoire of songs.
Seema Rehmani was last seen in the sinful Sins, and she is gorgeous, and talented. She plays Sania Rehman who can parrot sounds, but does not really understand Hindi.
A special mention for Turbanotorious B.D.G. played by Ajay Naidu. He is in the contest as the Baangra expert (Bhangra).
There are several other noteworthy contestents and judges and the MC Mr. Bokade (Jameel Khan), name pronounced to rhyme with Bacardi.
These bunch of talented actors team up to create a hilarious tale of Kaun Banega Desi Idol. Not all the contestents wish to play fair, and there are machinations underway to send away the talented singers so that Rrita may win unhindered.
There are unlikely partnerships between contestents, losers muscle their way back to the stage.. AND THE WINNER IS ... LOVE.
Believe me.. Love wins. Dont believe me? Go check out the movie.
Waris Shah in Love
Waris Shah was a legendry sufi writer of the 18 the century famed for writing the most famous version of Heer. Heer is in the conciousness of all those born or bred in Punjab. The movie attempts to acknowledge the debt of Heer to Bhagpari, his muse. The effort can be somewhat compared to the Hollywood movie Shakespere in Love which superimposed the story of Romeo and Juliet in the life of Shakespere. When his muse deserts him, Shakespere is inspired by the devotion of a young girl to his poetry.
Shakespere's Lady Viola is all passion, fire and brimstone, just like Juliet. The movie and the drama move parallel to each other. Though unlike Juliet who dies in the end, Lady Viola marries her bethrothed and moves to the new continent of America instead.
Makhdoom, Waris Shah's guru (peer murshid), tells him that his writing will not be effective unless he has experienced the pleasure of love and pain of seperation. Makhdoom forsees the events in the life of his best pupil and orders Waris to go to Malka Hans and compose Heer to keep the tradition of music and poetry alive in Punjab. The Mughals in those times were dead against music and poetry and it was deemed a crime to play music or recite poetry. The sufi's took it upon themselves to create music and poetry clandestinely, even at the cost of losing their lives.
Waris Shah arrives in Malka Hans and runs into Bhagpari. and is smitten by her beauty. She becomes an inspiration for Heer. However, Heer was a beautiful tempestous firebrand who would brook no opposition to her passion for Ranjha. According to the epic, the lovers take a roller coaster ride through life, never losing sight of their love for each other. In a sea of corrupt, false people, they stand out as true, upright and beautiful examples of Love.
By contrast, Bhagpari and Waris's romance moves along at a slow decorous pace, ending tamely with Bhagpari submitting to the man she is married off to. The outcome is realistic, in real life, lovers move on, forget their passion.
There are some filmi touches, songs and melodrama. The best part is the frequent recitation from Heer by various characters, in the traditional way. Which made me scoot right off to the music shop for the CD. When Gurdas Maan sang the first verse of Heer - the invocation to God quoted below, shivers ran down my spine:
Awal hamad khuda da vird keeje
Ishq kita su jag da mool mian
Pehlan aap hi rabb ne ishq kita
Te mashooq he nabi rasool mian
"First of all let us acknowledge God (who is self-evident), who has made love the worth of the world Sir, It was God Himself that first loved, and the prophet (Muhammad (SW)) is His beloved Sir "
To my most sore disappointment, the recitation was missing from the music album. For me, the heer is the best part of the movie. Juhi plays Bhagpari well, Divya Dutta as the evil saabo who tries to throw spanner in the works of Waris Shah is also very good. The music by Jaidev is good, I am glad he kept the traditional recitation style of the heer couplets intact. Though the qawwali in praise of god could have been better, seeing that it is supposed to have transported the evil hearted subedar into ecstasy. Waris Shah seems to have been a handsome man. Gurdas Mann is getting along now, and cant play a chikna hero anymore.
All in all, a commendable effort.
Shakespere's Lady Viola is all passion, fire and brimstone, just like Juliet. The movie and the drama move parallel to each other. Though unlike Juliet who dies in the end, Lady Viola marries her bethrothed and moves to the new continent of America instead.
Makhdoom, Waris Shah's guru (peer murshid), tells him that his writing will not be effective unless he has experienced the pleasure of love and pain of seperation. Makhdoom forsees the events in the life of his best pupil and orders Waris to go to Malka Hans and compose Heer to keep the tradition of music and poetry alive in Punjab. The Mughals in those times were dead against music and poetry and it was deemed a crime to play music or recite poetry. The sufi's took it upon themselves to create music and poetry clandestinely, even at the cost of losing their lives.
Waris Shah arrives in Malka Hans and runs into Bhagpari. and is smitten by her beauty. She becomes an inspiration for Heer. However, Heer was a beautiful tempestous firebrand who would brook no opposition to her passion for Ranjha. According to the epic, the lovers take a roller coaster ride through life, never losing sight of their love for each other. In a sea of corrupt, false people, they stand out as true, upright and beautiful examples of Love.
By contrast, Bhagpari and Waris's romance moves along at a slow decorous pace, ending tamely with Bhagpari submitting to the man she is married off to. The outcome is realistic, in real life, lovers move on, forget their passion.
There are some filmi touches, songs and melodrama. The best part is the frequent recitation from Heer by various characters, in the traditional way. Which made me scoot right off to the music shop for the CD. When Gurdas Maan sang the first verse of Heer - the invocation to God quoted below, shivers ran down my spine:
Awal hamad khuda da vird keeje
Ishq kita su jag da mool mian
Pehlan aap hi rabb ne ishq kita
Te mashooq he nabi rasool mian
"First of all let us acknowledge God (who is self-evident), who has made love the worth of the world Sir, It was God Himself that first loved, and the prophet (Muhammad (SW)) is His beloved Sir "
To my most sore disappointment, the recitation was missing from the music album. For me, the heer is the best part of the movie. Juhi plays Bhagpari well, Divya Dutta as the evil saabo who tries to throw spanner in the works of Waris Shah is also very good. The music by Jaidev is good, I am glad he kept the traditional recitation style of the heer couplets intact. Though the qawwali in praise of god could have been better, seeing that it is supposed to have transported the evil hearted subedar into ecstasy. Waris Shah seems to have been a handsome man. Gurdas Mann is getting along now, and cant play a chikna hero anymore.
All in all, a commendable effort.
Ruskin Bond
During the early eighties The Tribune newspaper often carried short pieces by Ruskin Bond. The write up was usually about life in the hills, ghosts, nature, common people. These short articles were extremely readable and interesting and I looked out for them. Later I read several of his stories in my daughter’s school books.
By now I have read umpteen of his works and pieced together his life. That is easy because most of his works are autobiographical and usually based on real events. He was born to British parents in 1934. His father died when he was just 10, and as he did not get along with his step-father, that made him an orphan. He grew up among various relations and even went to England for a while. But he loved India too much and returned to Dehra. He had to, more or less, fend for himself. The only thing he loved doing was writing. Making a living as a freelance writer was extremely precarious. The money was very little. But this was a young man who had been on his own nearly, ever since his father’s death. Poverty did not scare him and he learnt to get by on what little he had.
Several of his stories deal with this time of his life. These descriptions always bring my heart to my mouth. I feel, here is a true artist. He wrote as he felt about things. He felt deeply about the beautiful hill life, his friends, his work. The common people, that run bookshops, dhabas, ordinary shops selling wares by the roadside, all those people that look so drab to us come alive under his magic touch. It is his pure heart, that never desired too much fame or riches, that shines through his work. His only issue was to be able to pay his rent and his food bills.
Such a contrast to the flamboyant artists or novelists that try to corner huge money deals for substandard work. Art can stay alive only if it comes from the heart. I read with pleasure a quote by the crotchety old man – V S Naipaul who praised the simplicity and sincerity of Ruskin Bond.
Be aware that there is nothing sweeping or epical about his works. There is nothing ‘Gone with the Wind’ about him, his autobiography is not ‘David Copperfield’ either. It is just Ruskin Bond writing about his life and times.
I end with a couple of quotes by Ruskin Bond, one prose and one poem:
“Dehra, in those days, was full of people living on borrowed money or no money at all. Hence, the large number of disconnected telephone and electric lines. I did not have electricity myself, simply because the previous tenant had taken off, leaving me with outstandings of over a thousand rupees, then a princely sum. My monthly income seldom exceeded five hundred rupees. No matter. There was plenty of kerosene available, and the oil-lamp lent a romantic glow to my literary endeavours.”
RAINDROP
This leaf, so complete in itself,
Is only part of the tree.
And this tree, so complete in itself,
Is only part of the forest.
And the forest runs down from the hill to the sea,
And the sea, so complete in itself,
Rests like a raindrop
In the hand of God
By now I have read umpteen of his works and pieced together his life. That is easy because most of his works are autobiographical and usually based on real events. He was born to British parents in 1934. His father died when he was just 10, and as he did not get along with his step-father, that made him an orphan. He grew up among various relations and even went to England for a while. But he loved India too much and returned to Dehra. He had to, more or less, fend for himself. The only thing he loved doing was writing. Making a living as a freelance writer was extremely precarious. The money was very little. But this was a young man who had been on his own nearly, ever since his father’s death. Poverty did not scare him and he learnt to get by on what little he had.
Several of his stories deal with this time of his life. These descriptions always bring my heart to my mouth. I feel, here is a true artist. He wrote as he felt about things. He felt deeply about the beautiful hill life, his friends, his work. The common people, that run bookshops, dhabas, ordinary shops selling wares by the roadside, all those people that look so drab to us come alive under his magic touch. It is his pure heart, that never desired too much fame or riches, that shines through his work. His only issue was to be able to pay his rent and his food bills.
Such a contrast to the flamboyant artists or novelists that try to corner huge money deals for substandard work. Art can stay alive only if it comes from the heart. I read with pleasure a quote by the crotchety old man – V S Naipaul who praised the simplicity and sincerity of Ruskin Bond.
Be aware that there is nothing sweeping or epical about his works. There is nothing ‘Gone with the Wind’ about him, his autobiography is not ‘David Copperfield’ either. It is just Ruskin Bond writing about his life and times.
I end with a couple of quotes by Ruskin Bond, one prose and one poem:
“Dehra, in those days, was full of people living on borrowed money or no money at all. Hence, the large number of disconnected telephone and electric lines. I did not have electricity myself, simply because the previous tenant had taken off, leaving me with outstandings of over a thousand rupees, then a princely sum. My monthly income seldom exceeded five hundred rupees. No matter. There was plenty of kerosene available, and the oil-lamp lent a romantic glow to my literary endeavours.”
RAINDROP
This leaf, so complete in itself,
Is only part of the tree.
And this tree, so complete in itself,
Is only part of the forest.
And the forest runs down from the hill to the sea,
And the sea, so complete in itself,
Rests like a raindrop
In the hand of God
Once Upon a Story
DO WHAT YOU LIKE, JUST CHOOSE YOUR PR WITH CARE
Cinderella : When life gives you lemons..
Cinderella's stepmom and step-sisters were cruel to her. They took away all her good things and made her work like a maid. She got leftovers to eat and tattered clothes to wear. She was young pretty and nearly sixteen. Any guy she had a crush on, her stepsisters would nick away, just to spite her. Though they were older and uglier, they were richer. Cindy got fed up of being pushed in a corner and decided that she would get her own back someday.
Her time came when the King announced a local ball in the honour of his son the Prince Charming. She knew she wasnt going to get to go along with her family. She sneaked out of the house on the day of the ball and broke into the local haberdashers. She picked out a nice gown, a pair of glass slippers and some accessories. She put on the fine clothes and slipped out where her friend, the coachman's son was waiting for her with the coach of a rich landlord borrowed for the night.
Cindy made a stylish entry into the ball. Her stepma couldnt figure out who she was because she spoke french.. Being the fresh face on the block, she was a huge hit. The PC spied her and took her for a spin. When they stepped out into the moonlit night, the coachie signalled at her. "We gotta go, the owner of the Coach is also at the ball, if he sees his spare Coach here, hell will break loose" he whispered. Cindy looked at the Prince and smiled and then turned and ran.
The PC just wanted to make out with the pretty girl, but he had never been ditched. So he was determined to hunt her out, convinced that she was some elusive fairy queen. He found her glass slipper a little way off, and launched a hunt for her. The slipper was Maonolo Blahnik Glass from last year so no fashionable lady wanted to put it on. But Cindy, who wanted to claim the slipper so she could return it to the haberdasher she had 'lifted' it from, put it on.
To her huge surprise, the PC went down on one knee and proposed to her. She wasnt going to pass up the opportunity, so she accepted. Now she had to explain the pretty dress and coach. There was only one way to do that, invent a fairy godmother, the 12 O' Clock condition, as she remembered that the clock had struck 12 right when she had run from the ball.
This, folks, explains why the glass slippers did not vanish with the rest of the dress at the middle of the night.
Sleeping Beauty : cleaniness is not godliness..
SB's parents were not good housekeepers. Their garden and the adjoining forest was often run over by weeds and wilderness while the family slept away merrily. Their kingdom was not well known. They loved taking frequent naps. By some good chance it never marred the looks of their darling daughter. With the result that even now women believe that sleep will make them look beautiful.
However, as they napped a handsome prince from far far away lost his way and wandered up to the castle. He was surprised to see the entire castle snoring merrily. He wandered from room to room till he came to the boudoir of Beauty, sleeping. He was overcome with wonder and leant down to kiss her. Beauty thought it was her nurse waking her up for the evening soup. She woke up and beheld a handsome prince muttering sweet nothings into her ear. In the confusion that ensued, the entire castle cooked up the story of the spell and hundred years to explain away their tardiness.
Rapunzel : Hair today, gone tomorrow
Rapunzel liked her hair dressed by this particular hairdresser in Paris, Pierre. She would allow no one else to touch her lovely golden locks. Unfortunately Pierre was struck by lightening when peeing in the rain by the side of the road. Rapunzel would not listen to reason and let her hair grow wild and untamed. It became quite stinky and lice infested too. The king was shocked by his intractable daughter and cast her into the high tower for a week as a punishment.
Her nurse took to climbing stealthily ino the tower by climbing Rapunzel's hair. A passing Prince espied this and fancied the captive princess. He cut down the hapless nurse and carried Rapunzel away to Paris. Rapunzel was glad to go off to Paris with the rich and handsome Prince, and let him believe for the rest of his life that he had saved her from a wicked witch.
PS : She found a new hairdresser, Pierre's brother, who was better.
Red Riding Hood : Trick or Treat
Red's mom was particular about where she went. Red had to keep her mum informed about her every move. That made it very hard for her see her boyfriend, William Wolfe. As girls will do under such circumstances, she took every opportunity to sneak away for a nookie. When her mother wanted some cakes and stuff delivered to Old Mrs. Hood, Red volunteered to go. She met up with Wolfe on the way and asked him to meet her at her grandma's cottage. Red figured her old and infirm grandma wouldnt notice if she made out with Wolfe at her place. But the old biddy was quite sharp and put up a fight when Wolfe tried to lock her in a cupboard.
A passing woodcutter heard the commotion. Wolfe had to face rap for harrasment. Red took one look at the good looking woodcutter and screamed harrasement too.
The Frog Prince: a short story
The story starts backwards. One night the Prince overslept in the boudoir of the Princess. The queen, her maids were all startled to see the handsome Prince there. They looked horrified. The Princess quickly told them about the ball that had fallen into the well, the frog and the condition it had put. The Princess was an only daughter and her father was a rich King. The Prince was happy to marry her, though he had endure being called the Frog Prince to his dying day.
Cinderella : When life gives you lemons..
Cinderella's stepmom and step-sisters were cruel to her. They took away all her good things and made her work like a maid. She got leftovers to eat and tattered clothes to wear. She was young pretty and nearly sixteen. Any guy she had a crush on, her stepsisters would nick away, just to spite her. Though they were older and uglier, they were richer. Cindy got fed up of being pushed in a corner and decided that she would get her own back someday.
Her time came when the King announced a local ball in the honour of his son the Prince Charming. She knew she wasnt going to get to go along with her family. She sneaked out of the house on the day of the ball and broke into the local haberdashers. She picked out a nice gown, a pair of glass slippers and some accessories. She put on the fine clothes and slipped out where her friend, the coachman's son was waiting for her with the coach of a rich landlord borrowed for the night.
Cindy made a stylish entry into the ball. Her stepma couldnt figure out who she was because she spoke french.. Being the fresh face on the block, she was a huge hit. The PC spied her and took her for a spin. When they stepped out into the moonlit night, the coachie signalled at her. "We gotta go, the owner of the Coach is also at the ball, if he sees his spare Coach here, hell will break loose" he whispered. Cindy looked at the Prince and smiled and then turned and ran.
The PC just wanted to make out with the pretty girl, but he had never been ditched. So he was determined to hunt her out, convinced that she was some elusive fairy queen. He found her glass slipper a little way off, and launched a hunt for her. The slipper was Maonolo Blahnik Glass from last year so no fashionable lady wanted to put it on. But Cindy, who wanted to claim the slipper so she could return it to the haberdasher she had 'lifted' it from, put it on.
To her huge surprise, the PC went down on one knee and proposed to her. She wasnt going to pass up the opportunity, so she accepted. Now she had to explain the pretty dress and coach. There was only one way to do that, invent a fairy godmother, the 12 O' Clock condition, as she remembered that the clock had struck 12 right when she had run from the ball.
This, folks, explains why the glass slippers did not vanish with the rest of the dress at the middle of the night.
Sleeping Beauty : cleaniness is not godliness..
SB's parents were not good housekeepers. Their garden and the adjoining forest was often run over by weeds and wilderness while the family slept away merrily. Their kingdom was not well known. They loved taking frequent naps. By some good chance it never marred the looks of their darling daughter. With the result that even now women believe that sleep will make them look beautiful.
However, as they napped a handsome prince from far far away lost his way and wandered up to the castle. He was surprised to see the entire castle snoring merrily. He wandered from room to room till he came to the boudoir of Beauty, sleeping. He was overcome with wonder and leant down to kiss her. Beauty thought it was her nurse waking her up for the evening soup. She woke up and beheld a handsome prince muttering sweet nothings into her ear. In the confusion that ensued, the entire castle cooked up the story of the spell and hundred years to explain away their tardiness.
Rapunzel : Hair today, gone tomorrow
Rapunzel liked her hair dressed by this particular hairdresser in Paris, Pierre. She would allow no one else to touch her lovely golden locks. Unfortunately Pierre was struck by lightening when peeing in the rain by the side of the road. Rapunzel would not listen to reason and let her hair grow wild and untamed. It became quite stinky and lice infested too. The king was shocked by his intractable daughter and cast her into the high tower for a week as a punishment.
Her nurse took to climbing stealthily ino the tower by climbing Rapunzel's hair. A passing Prince espied this and fancied the captive princess. He cut down the hapless nurse and carried Rapunzel away to Paris. Rapunzel was glad to go off to Paris with the rich and handsome Prince, and let him believe for the rest of his life that he had saved her from a wicked witch.
PS : She found a new hairdresser, Pierre's brother, who was better.
Red Riding Hood : Trick or Treat
Red's mom was particular about where she went. Red had to keep her mum informed about her every move. That made it very hard for her see her boyfriend, William Wolfe. As girls will do under such circumstances, she took every opportunity to sneak away for a nookie. When her mother wanted some cakes and stuff delivered to Old Mrs. Hood, Red volunteered to go. She met up with Wolfe on the way and asked him to meet her at her grandma's cottage. Red figured her old and infirm grandma wouldnt notice if she made out with Wolfe at her place. But the old biddy was quite sharp and put up a fight when Wolfe tried to lock her in a cupboard.
A passing woodcutter heard the commotion. Wolfe had to face rap for harrasment. Red took one look at the good looking woodcutter and screamed harrasement too.
The Frog Prince: a short story
The story starts backwards. One night the Prince overslept in the boudoir of the Princess. The queen, her maids were all startled to see the handsome Prince there. They looked horrified. The Princess quickly told them about the ball that had fallen into the well, the frog and the condition it had put. The Princess was an only daughter and her father was a rich King. The Prince was happy to marry her, though he had endure being called the Frog Prince to his dying day.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Book - the blue umbrella
Author : Ruskin Bond
Pages 81 in large typeface, with several pages devoted to illustrations.
Price Rs.60/- Rupa Publications.
The Blue Umbrella is the story of Biniya, a girl who lives in a tiny Garhwal hamlet. An Indian tourist, newly married, takes fancy to her bead necklace with a leopard amulet and exchanges it with her blue umbrella that Biniya takes fancy to. Biniya's umbrella becomes the focal point of her life, and a common envy of the sequestered little village. Ram Bharosa the shopkeeper is particularly enamoured of the umbrella. His apprentice offers to steal it for him.
Ruskin Bond's stories deal with mundane happenings in small towns that take on a curious charm when described in his graceful prose. Usually his books do not shake heaven and earth. Likewise, the events of this books are not of garangutan proportions either. And that is the whole point of it. We are made to pause in our tracks and take time off our reckless lifestyle to think about an alternate world, a place that is so slow paced that you can feel the seasons go by.
This story is almost biblical. A perfect Eden where all people co-exist in peace. The blue umbrella is the temptation, the apple, that all covet. The serpent, the apprentice who goads Ram Bharosa to commit the sin of stealing. Ram Bharosa falls and loses the love and respect of his fellow being, he is banished from his Eden. Only the forgiveness and generosity of Biniya redeems him and brings him back to his glorious Eden. The story reminds you that heaven and hell are right here, on earth, and of our own creating.
I am quoting a couple of lines from the last parts of the book, when Biniya takes pity on the isolated old man and decideds to break the ban imposed on him and give him the umbrella. Ram Bharosa runs after her and tries to return the umbrella to her.
"But it's such a pretty umbrella!" protested Ram Bharosa. "Its the best umbrella in the village."
"I know," said Biniya. "But an umbrella isn't everything."
And she left the old man holding the umbrella, and went tripping down the road, and there was nothing between her and the bright blue sky.
I know it is hard to understand a quote fully out of context, but it seems to me that at this point Biniya is one with God, when she gives away the umbrella. The virtue of giving and sharing undoes a lot of negetivity.
Before you start getting angry with me for giving away the climax, there is more in the book. The last chapter emphasises the give and take which enhances friendship and makes us the social animals that we are.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE BOOK AND THE MOVIE
The basic idea remains the same, though the movie was more embellished than the book. It took a longer route to the finish line than the book did. It added a couple of episodes which were very gainful for the movie. Also the sequence of occurance is different in the movie. In a story, you can afford to be more descriptive and less dramatic, the movie needed the drama to keep the interest of the viewers alive. The movie had the advantage of the breathtaking visuals and the acting of Pankaj Kapur. The novel has the advantage of the pen of Ruskin Bond, which is unparalleled.
They can be viewed or read independent of each other and have their own charm. I would say the book and the movie are at par with each other.
Pages 81 in large typeface, with several pages devoted to illustrations.
Price Rs.60/- Rupa Publications.
The Blue Umbrella is the story of Biniya, a girl who lives in a tiny Garhwal hamlet. An Indian tourist, newly married, takes fancy to her bead necklace with a leopard amulet and exchanges it with her blue umbrella that Biniya takes fancy to. Biniya's umbrella becomes the focal point of her life, and a common envy of the sequestered little village. Ram Bharosa the shopkeeper is particularly enamoured of the umbrella. His apprentice offers to steal it for him.
Ruskin Bond's stories deal with mundane happenings in small towns that take on a curious charm when described in his graceful prose. Usually his books do not shake heaven and earth. Likewise, the events of this books are not of garangutan proportions either. And that is the whole point of it. We are made to pause in our tracks and take time off our reckless lifestyle to think about an alternate world, a place that is so slow paced that you can feel the seasons go by.
This story is almost biblical. A perfect Eden where all people co-exist in peace. The blue umbrella is the temptation, the apple, that all covet. The serpent, the apprentice who goads Ram Bharosa to commit the sin of stealing. Ram Bharosa falls and loses the love and respect of his fellow being, he is banished from his Eden. Only the forgiveness and generosity of Biniya redeems him and brings him back to his glorious Eden. The story reminds you that heaven and hell are right here, on earth, and of our own creating.
I am quoting a couple of lines from the last parts of the book, when Biniya takes pity on the isolated old man and decideds to break the ban imposed on him and give him the umbrella. Ram Bharosa runs after her and tries to return the umbrella to her.
"But it's such a pretty umbrella!" protested Ram Bharosa. "Its the best umbrella in the village."
"I know," said Biniya. "But an umbrella isn't everything."
And she left the old man holding the umbrella, and went tripping down the road, and there was nothing between her and the bright blue sky.
I know it is hard to understand a quote fully out of context, but it seems to me that at this point Biniya is one with God, when she gives away the umbrella. The virtue of giving and sharing undoes a lot of negetivity.
Before you start getting angry with me for giving away the climax, there is more in the book. The last chapter emphasises the give and take which enhances friendship and makes us the social animals that we are.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE BOOK AND THE MOVIE
The basic idea remains the same, though the movie was more embellished than the book. It took a longer route to the finish line than the book did. It added a couple of episodes which were very gainful for the movie. Also the sequence of occurance is different in the movie. In a story, you can afford to be more descriptive and less dramatic, the movie needed the drama to keep the interest of the viewers alive. The movie had the advantage of the breathtaking visuals and the acting of Pankaj Kapur. The novel has the advantage of the pen of Ruskin Bond, which is unparalleled.
They can be viewed or read independent of each other and have their own charm. I would say the book and the movie are at par with each other.
The Radiance of Ashes - Cyrus Mistry
This is my second in the series of 3 Mumbai novels. I am giving some details about the book for the readers who wish to check him out.
Publisher : Picador
Price : 275 INR
Pages : 469
Jingo is a Parsi wastral and a drifter living in Mumbai. His parents are solid middle class but our Jingo has this wish to write a book. All those amongst us who have such literary ambitions know the feeling of sad bile that rises up from the pit of our stomachs when we hear that line. I want to write a book too, but where is the story, where is time, who will publish it, who will read it. It is almost like the most common, most self defeating ambitions of all.
But Jingo, our man here, works for a market research firm and makes a meagre living tramping the corners of the city asking the common people their views on soaps and toothpastes. The story rises up from his peregrinations in the city in a tidal wave and nearly drowns him.
The novel was born of an award winning short story that the author wrote, which appears in the novel as a prologue. It begins with the meeting between Jingo and Jillamai, the mother of an old classmate of Jingo, who disappeared some time back. Jillamai requests Jingo to help her seek her son. This story is more like the coming of age - albeit a little late- of Jingo. How he comes to terms with life. The people he hobnobs with, and learns about life from, belong firmly to the lowest common denominator.
Sacred Games was a lofty canvas, dealing with the God and the Devil (sometimes they can be the same person).
The Radiance of Ashes has no such pretensions. It is simply about the life of people, the cops and robbers are the same here, preoccupied with self gain. The losers here are the people who are displaced, disgraced and sometimes dealt with death. No novel about Mumbai is complete without a report of the unrest the city has faced. This novel too deals with those events. But from the perspective of the common man.
The cover of the book is very artistic (as my friend Ajaybir pointed out). More importantly, the language is exquisite. If you like reading literary books, go for it. Do not look for timepass racy stuff here.
Take care and keep smiling :)
Publisher : Picador
Price : 275 INR
Pages : 469
Jingo is a Parsi wastral and a drifter living in Mumbai. His parents are solid middle class but our Jingo has this wish to write a book. All those amongst us who have such literary ambitions know the feeling of sad bile that rises up from the pit of our stomachs when we hear that line. I want to write a book too, but where is the story, where is time, who will publish it, who will read it. It is almost like the most common, most self defeating ambitions of all.
But Jingo, our man here, works for a market research firm and makes a meagre living tramping the corners of the city asking the common people their views on soaps and toothpastes. The story rises up from his peregrinations in the city in a tidal wave and nearly drowns him.
The novel was born of an award winning short story that the author wrote, which appears in the novel as a prologue. It begins with the meeting between Jingo and Jillamai, the mother of an old classmate of Jingo, who disappeared some time back. Jillamai requests Jingo to help her seek her son. This story is more like the coming of age - albeit a little late- of Jingo. How he comes to terms with life. The people he hobnobs with, and learns about life from, belong firmly to the lowest common denominator.
Sacred Games was a lofty canvas, dealing with the God and the Devil (sometimes they can be the same person).
The Radiance of Ashes has no such pretensions. It is simply about the life of people, the cops and robbers are the same here, preoccupied with self gain. The losers here are the people who are displaced, disgraced and sometimes dealt with death. No novel about Mumbai is complete without a report of the unrest the city has faced. This novel too deals with those events. But from the perspective of the common man.
The cover of the book is very artistic (as my friend Ajaybir pointed out). More importantly, the language is exquisite. If you like reading literary books, go for it. Do not look for timepass racy stuff here.
Take care and keep smiling :)
Top ten fun and fundoo jodis
No expectations please. There is no orchestra in the background striking up the tune - Baharon phool barsao mera mehboob aaya hai. This is not a disclaimer, it is a claimer claiming that the following jodis are fun and fundoo and wicked sometimes. There are 6 listed in reverse order that have already been seen on the screen. There are 4 more (totalling 10 duh !) from my ultapulta wishlist. Here goes:
6. Aishwarya -Zayed:
Her movies were flopping left right and centre and he was the fresh face on the block. Leena Das brought them together as the adulterous (almost) couple while a brooding Sanjay Dutt looked on - wanting grist for his writing mill. The movie had some lovely songs - Khoya Khoya sa teri nighahon mein, with both of them prancing carefree. A giggly Aish managed to look quite good with a puppydog like Zayed. Movie recommended strictly for the goodlooking people peopling it.
5. Meghna Reddy - Anil Kapoor:
Chocolate was probably based on some hollywood potboiler I havent heard of. A journalist (Meghna) and a hotshot lawyer (Anil Kapoor) are thrown together into solving a case which entails long conversations with Irfaan Khan and Tanushree Dutta. At one point Meghna is so miffed at Anil Kapoor’s obvious attraction towards the sexy Tanu, that she is compelled to draw Anil’s attention to the fact that she is a ’bra-wearing’ girl too. Apart from that one aberration, Meghna plays a tomboyish devil-may-care girl which is a change from the usual correct sugarwontmeltinmymouth kind of roles the heroines play. She is the opposite of the correct and formal Anil Kapoor.
4. Dimple-Akshay Khanna:
He was a young artist and she was a troubled single woman trying to deal with her life without her daughter. She looks at him as a good friend, but he adores her. Their friendship never gets passionate but it causes a rift between Akshay and friends. His dil chahta hai, but the lady wont consent, preferring to die - a la Love Story - probably of a wasted liver. Dimple is beautiful, gorgeous. Akshay’s adoration makes them look great together.
3. Vidya-Saif:
She was an unproven newcomer from the middle-class with girl next door looks, and he was a well acknowledged talent and a nawab to boot. Parineeta was the tale of a woman’s unstinting devotion to her neighbour, a rich, arrogant, quick-tempered Shekhar. Vidya is all grace and smoothness to the rough edged (as played in the movie) Saif. A perfect mismatch.
2. Rekha-Akshay:
If Madam Re is still missing HIM, she didnt let it make her morose and reclusive. She went her merry way picking up ’good friends’ and toyboys. Akshay Kumar was one of those. Khiladion Ka Khildi had Akshay in an encounter with Maya (what an apt name for Re). Re plays the vamp to the hilt. I am sure the heroine, Raveena Tandon, felt quite useless and threatened. Way to go Re, live it up.
1. Mallika Shehrawat-Rahul Bose:
She is taller than him, gorgeous and sexy and famed more for kisses than activity above the nose region. He is a cerebral actor famed for his serious roles. They came together in a sexy comedy Pyaar Ke Side Effects. The story (esp the ending) needed some more work - playing runaway bride twice over ??? But the movie had some good gags and able support from the likes of Ranveer Shorey. Surprise, they do manage to look good together! It couldnt have gotten as diverse as this !
Now comes my totally thinking out of the box section. You may pelt stones at me for these- I will enjoy them.
4. Emraan Hashmi - Karisma Kapur
Blows your mind off ? Same here. An insolent nepotic actor on the lowest rung of the food-chain, not famed for either looks or great talent. An actress with pedigree and looks and moderate talents. The khatiya days are firmly behind her, so are her pink cottancandy dresses and curly hair. She is a hot mother, slim and suitably surgeried into gorgeousness. A rani and a rank (pauper).
3. Amir - Sushmita:
He is diminutive and choclatey, She is tall and statuesque. He is cute, she is regal. The lady and the tramp?
2. Sanjay Dutt -Smriti Irani Tulsi:
Sanjay Dutt pairs easily with anyone. He did Khoobsurat with Urmila, Munnabhai with Vidya Balan, quite a few movies with no heroines just some male bonding, Kaante, Plan, Anthony Kaun Hai. In one of his movies with Govinda he was paired with the infamous Monica Bedi. So it would be hard to find a heroine who would look really way out with him. Now this, I think is a real way out choice. She is the correct bahu mouthing platitudes at every turn. Her moves are always dramatic, dress strictly over the top behenji. He is cool and can manage bhaigiri with gandhigiri effortlessly without making the combo look ludicrous.
1. Aishwarya Rai - Pankaj Kapur
Clash of cymbals please. They have everything facing in different directions. She is young, he is not. She is beautiful, he is not. She is tall, he is not. He is a powerhouse of talents that makes his physical shortcomings fade away. All her beauty cant win her accolades in the acting department.
Shut up Kitty !
6. Aishwarya -Zayed:
Her movies were flopping left right and centre and he was the fresh face on the block. Leena Das brought them together as the adulterous (almost) couple while a brooding Sanjay Dutt looked on - wanting grist for his writing mill. The movie had some lovely songs - Khoya Khoya sa teri nighahon mein, with both of them prancing carefree. A giggly Aish managed to look quite good with a puppydog like Zayed. Movie recommended strictly for the goodlooking people peopling it.
5. Meghna Reddy - Anil Kapoor:
Chocolate was probably based on some hollywood potboiler I havent heard of. A journalist (Meghna) and a hotshot lawyer (Anil Kapoor) are thrown together into solving a case which entails long conversations with Irfaan Khan and Tanushree Dutta. At one point Meghna is so miffed at Anil Kapoor’s obvious attraction towards the sexy Tanu, that she is compelled to draw Anil’s attention to the fact that she is a ’bra-wearing’ girl too. Apart from that one aberration, Meghna plays a tomboyish devil-may-care girl which is a change from the usual correct sugarwontmeltinmymouth kind of roles the heroines play. She is the opposite of the correct and formal Anil Kapoor.
4. Dimple-Akshay Khanna:
He was a young artist and she was a troubled single woman trying to deal with her life without her daughter. She looks at him as a good friend, but he adores her. Their friendship never gets passionate but it causes a rift between Akshay and friends. His dil chahta hai, but the lady wont consent, preferring to die - a la Love Story - probably of a wasted liver. Dimple is beautiful, gorgeous. Akshay’s adoration makes them look great together.
3. Vidya-Saif:
She was an unproven newcomer from the middle-class with girl next door looks, and he was a well acknowledged talent and a nawab to boot. Parineeta was the tale of a woman’s unstinting devotion to her neighbour, a rich, arrogant, quick-tempered Shekhar. Vidya is all grace and smoothness to the rough edged (as played in the movie) Saif. A perfect mismatch.
2. Rekha-Akshay:
If Madam Re is still missing HIM, she didnt let it make her morose and reclusive. She went her merry way picking up ’good friends’ and toyboys. Akshay Kumar was one of those. Khiladion Ka Khildi had Akshay in an encounter with Maya (what an apt name for Re). Re plays the vamp to the hilt. I am sure the heroine, Raveena Tandon, felt quite useless and threatened. Way to go Re, live it up.
1. Mallika Shehrawat-Rahul Bose:
She is taller than him, gorgeous and sexy and famed more for kisses than activity above the nose region. He is a cerebral actor famed for his serious roles. They came together in a sexy comedy Pyaar Ke Side Effects. The story (esp the ending) needed some more work - playing runaway bride twice over ??? But the movie had some good gags and able support from the likes of Ranveer Shorey. Surprise, they do manage to look good together! It couldnt have gotten as diverse as this !
Now comes my totally thinking out of the box section. You may pelt stones at me for these- I will enjoy them.
4. Emraan Hashmi - Karisma Kapur
Blows your mind off ? Same here. An insolent nepotic actor on the lowest rung of the food-chain, not famed for either looks or great talent. An actress with pedigree and looks and moderate talents. The khatiya days are firmly behind her, so are her pink cottancandy dresses and curly hair. She is a hot mother, slim and suitably surgeried into gorgeousness. A rani and a rank (pauper).
3. Amir - Sushmita:
He is diminutive and choclatey, She is tall and statuesque. He is cute, she is regal. The lady and the tramp?
2. Sanjay Dutt -Smriti Irani Tulsi:
Sanjay Dutt pairs easily with anyone. He did Khoobsurat with Urmila, Munnabhai with Vidya Balan, quite a few movies with no heroines just some male bonding, Kaante, Plan, Anthony Kaun Hai. In one of his movies with Govinda he was paired with the infamous Monica Bedi. So it would be hard to find a heroine who would look really way out with him. Now this, I think is a real way out choice. She is the correct bahu mouthing platitudes at every turn. Her moves are always dramatic, dress strictly over the top behenji. He is cool and can manage bhaigiri with gandhigiri effortlessly without making the combo look ludicrous.
1. Aishwarya Rai - Pankaj Kapur
Clash of cymbals please. They have everything facing in different directions. She is young, he is not. She is beautiful, he is not. She is tall, he is not. He is a powerhouse of talents that makes his physical shortcomings fade away. All her beauty cant win her accolades in the acting department.
Shut up Kitty !
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